We had a truly great year around Casa Chica in 2009, so all you friends, family and assorted hangers-on can sit back, relax, and bask in the aura that is Us. Watch and learn, Suckas, watch and learn.
The Oldest Chica is still a genius, and this year managed to add Social Activism to her long list of extra-curricular activities. Yes, she's following my dyed-in-the-wool-tree-huggin' footsteps by reaching out to those who are less fortunate and attractive, and started a group called, "It's Not a Hockey Haircut if You Don't Play Hockey." Their focus is to stress the importance of follicular hygiene, proper trimming, and responsible product-use. Please visit their website and give generously...it's an important cause in it's fledgling state that could really use your support.
The Middle Chica continued her dominance of the performing arts world as she won a scholarship to the prestigious Flynt Academy of Modeling and The Dance. She will be learning the basics of pole dancing, with a year-end performance down at the glittering new Hustler Complex in Lincoln Park. Many questioned my parenting skills and overall sanity by allowing her to participate at such a young age, but I think this will allow her to hone her God-given talents in a safe, judgement-free environment. Plus it was either this or dance camp, and which do you think will ultimately help her make enough coin to pay for those highlights she so desperately wants?
It is with slight embarrassment that I report the Littlest Chica had a brief brush with Johnny Law this fall. She was picked up by the 5-0 outside her daycare in connection with a series of home invasions believed to have been committed by someone under 4 feet tall who walks exclusively on their toes. The only items taken were nail polish, 14 pennies, and Barbie styling head with one missing earring, so they really just wanted to talk to her about the B&E. Imagine the surprised looks on the faces at the Plymouth PD when they found out she was working a uber-covert-double-secret operation for the NSA placing listening devices on the computers in the homes in question. Needless to say, her cover was blown, so she's back to being a regular pretzel-eating 4 year-old, and I can kiss that extra $2K a month buh-bye. Though we were able to keep the government-issue harness and night-vision-goggles that I think could come in handy...oh yeah, Mama likes...
As for me, I continue my meteoric rise up the corporate ladder of the medical billing world...goes without saying really. I also continue my boycott of the Bravo TV network. Ever since they reneged on the Wayne County Housewives deal, and gave everyone except me and Bad-Perm-Connie a TV show, I steadfastly refuse to watch it. Except for Top Chef, but only in re-runs. I am actively pursuing a deal with A&E, but am struggling to find my niche. I initially thought I'd be a shoo-in for that hoarding show, but it turns out that hanging onto angst and bitterness was not really the type of stockpiling they're looking for. So my quest continues.
And now...back by popular demand...drumroll please...Kelly's Naughty and Nice List for 2009.
The Naughty:
Mr. Kid Rock. I know many of you will be shocked to see the K-I-D on my Naughty List, but let's face it, I may have been able to overlook Pickler-Gate, but that coupled with the fact that I did not receive my oft-requested free tickets and/or passes is simply too much for this Kelly-Girl to bear. Let's just hope that the ensuing public scorn and social ridicule associated with being on this List will prove too much for him to endure, and he comes through with a free weekend when he plays the Mohegan Sun Casino in February or I can't say what might happen next.
Kwame Kilpatrick. Now this may seem to go against my long-standing conviction to avoid attacking the big, fat, stupid, slow-moving target, but each time I see his big, fat, stupid face in court, it just makes my blood boil. I know what it looks like to have $6 left over at the end of the month, and it doesn't look like a big, fat, stupid former-mayor now "working" for his buddy down in the Southern-D. No it does not, and he is big, fat, and stupid for even thinking for one moment that we'd believe him. Thus ends the political commentary portion of my Christmas letter.
Jason Lee. Another Chipmunk movie? Really? I know that technically this should go to the movie's producers, but I think that Brother Lee has a responsibility to spare the rest of mankind from such brutality, and should have just said No.
And now for the Nice:
My Court-Appointed Psychiatrist and the all the folks at the Macomb County Sheriff's office who helped me see that my "relationship" with the Starbucks Suit Guy was not "healthy" and needed to "end." Mad love to you all.
Oprah. She will always appear here, because I still fear her to the depths of my soul even though she's in her final year.
The MTV Brain-Trust who decided in their infinite wisdom to showcase the culture and class that is the Jersey Shore. Genius, genius, genius. Being able to witness such powerfully depicted art on a weekly basis brings a tear to my eye and makes me proud to be a Jersey Girl.
So that's it. As you can see, 2009 was another notch in the bedpost of greatness for us Chicas. Better luck to you and yours in the upcoming decade. Merry Christmas to all, and please remember to rock out responsibly. XOXOXOX
2009 proved to be yet another notch in the bed-post of greatness for me and the Chicas. We
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