Beaver in the 313

So I was driving to work at 5:00 this morning (long story) and I hear this story on WWJ (yes, I am secretly 62 years old--really, I just listen for the traffic--really) about how a beaver was found in the Detroit River.

Now, initially, I thought nothing of it, perhaps the furry little guy drowned, and probably even thought to myself "Jesus, slow news day." But then the Roberta-Lady on the radio mentioned that it was the first time in 75 years that a beaver had been spotted there, and that it is believed to have come from Ohio. Well, now that is a story.

http://www.cbc.ca/technology/story/2009/02/16/beaver.html


I looked it up online, and found a link to this story by the CBC. Now, the Canadians have a slightly different version of this, for they state that he actually came from Canada, and that it's been 75 to 100 years since a beaver has been spotted. Now I have to ask myself, a beaver is a fairly common animal, so how god-awful filthy must the Detroit River have been for the very last of the lot to just say, "You know what? We're just not diggin' it here anymore," scamper their flat-little tails outta town, and never return for an entire century? And how did they communicate this to all their beaver brethren? Do they have little almanacs, travel guides, websites--well, back in 1909, they probably used a telegram or something, but still--how did they know to stay out of the D??

Secondly, and most obviously--Do they really expect us to believe that the Detroit River is, as the article states "cleaner for us?" I may give it "cleaner", but "for us?" No freakin' way. I will believe it when I see one of those tree-hugging ecologists strip out of their REI hip-waders and organic Gap cotton t-shirts and literally and completely place their unprotected human skin into that funk-fest and swim around without something melting off their bodies. Then, and only then will I even come close to considering it.

I also found it incredibly ironic that the Detroit Edison workers had, indeed, encountered their little buddy about 2 months ago, but didn't report it because they didn't want him to be harmed. Only in Detroit would anyone think that someone might injure/steal/maim an ecological marvel such as this, much less actually attempt to do so. I think the little furball is much more likely to be hijacked and pimped out by some politician. I can't wait to see which of the mayoral candidates treks out in their ill-advised Sunday-best to the now-pristine(?) shores of the Detroit River to personally greet this living, breathing example of Detroit's renaissance. Four legs--four wheels--coincidence??? Before you know it everyone will be sporting the Beaver lapel pin as a symbol of solidarity and hope.

I also am intrigued by the intestinal fortitude of our little friend here, who I learned today is really a semi-aquatic rodent (which is so going to give me nightmares). Whether he came from Ohio or Canada--really how can we determine this anyway?--I'm so curious to find out how he ended up here. Did he lose a bet--lose all his beaver-coin in some high-stakes game of Texas-Hold 'Em gone terribly awry? Is he just squatting in this dam until the real owners can figure out how to stay out of foreclosure and pay the property taxes--I'm sure a riverfront lot don't come cheap. Is he the edgy, daring Neil Armstrong-beaver who headed out to a mysterious place that lived only in the hushed whispers of beaver ghost stories, staked his claim, and will be honored with monuments and a hero's welcome in a beaver-ticker-tape-parade?

I just have so many questions for our newest neighbor. Yet in typical Motor City fashion, all inquiries must be routed through his publicist, the Wolverine, who we all know spends February with the wife down at his condo in Boca.