Star-Date 5-9-09

OK, so thus far, it has been an uber-trippy weekend! The weather is indicative of recent events--one moment sunny, warm, and de-lovely, the next moment gloomy, windy and drizzly. Or perhaps the weather is creating recent events? Hmmm...more credit than I'm willing to give a mythical mother figure, but 'tis the season to give mad props to Mommies, so perhaps she's workin' harder than I thought.

So last night, I was all snuggled up on my couch for a long evening of Tivo-lovin'--I even bought me a new Black Box for the occasion--when the Marine calls to see if I want to go out. Go out? On Friday night? Much like the Yeti or Snipe-Hunting, it is an often-heard-about-occurrence, but not much witnessed around Casa Chica. So I hoisted myself from my much-desired-horizontal position, and popped my contacts back in. I would say that I brushed my hair and put on makeup, but seriously. My aforementioned fabulous head of hair requires absolutely no maintenance (even at 9pm) and my face gets painted but once daily--any more than that would require a personal visit from either Mr. Clooney or Mr. Ritchie. Let's be frank, I'm lucky I'm smokin' hot, because I am far too lazy to put any effort into lookin' good.

We went to see the Star Trek movie. I will be honest and say that it was not my first choice. To be even more honest would be to admit that I balked and protested like I was being required to attend a Novena during Spring Break, but in the end it was all good. The movie was way better than I anticipated, dare I say entertaining, though I fear I am turning into my grandmother because not once but at least 4 times I caught myself saying "Oooh, its sooooo loud." Additionally, I now worry more than ever about flying out of Metro--I always thought there was something "off" about Romulus, and now it has been categorically confirmed by the creepy yet still somewhat dreamy Eric Bana on an enormous theater screen. After last night, however, I have made the executive decision to never again see a movie any place other than Emagine--how humans ever managed to watch motion pictures sans cocktails is beyond me. Really.

But the freakiest thing happened today. Mark your calendars my Lovelies, because today, Star-Date 5/9/09 (big shout-out to my b-day GF Holla) will go down in history as the day that Kelly-Girl met a.....NEIGHBOR!!!! And he was friendly and helpful. Shut up!! No lie, I couldn't believe it either. So here's how it went down. A while ago, I noticed that a limb on my big overgrown Maple tree (you know, the one in the front--no, that one in the back is a Pain in the Ass Walnut) was hanging a wee bit low. Upon further inspection, utilizing my supreme botanical knowledge, I determined that the branch was actually broken off and dead, and just begging to be pulled to earth. So naturally, I left it dangle there for another 2 weeks.

So the other day, the Marine was here, and said "Hey that branch is broken, why don't I pull it down for you?" and like a complete moron, I said, "OK, thank you so much!" which was so stupid because once it came down, I had to do something with it. When it was suspended above the ground, looking all sketchy and ghetto, I didn't have to do anything except avert my eyes and plan the perfect bitchy comeback like "Yeah I know it's dead, what're you gonna do about it??" or something along those lines--I hadn't really thought that part out. Once it had returned to being governed by Earth's law of gravity (and whatever other Star Fleet mumbo-jumbo would apply here) it revealed itself to be a horrifically enormous big-around-as-my-leg tree limb that I had no idea what to do with. So of course, it sat there for 5 more days.

Now I knew that the Hobbitt was laying in wait to report me to his Council of Darkness at the Township offices, so I was actually a little concerned. Not about the impending citation and subsequent monetary fine issued by the Hobbitt Lackeys, on the contrary--now that I've started cleaning up around here, I did not enjoy having an enormous tree limb taking up my entire front yard. And no, I am not kidding and yes, it was that freakin' big. I fully intended on taking care of what I could this morning, but with the Oldest Chica's soccer game, and a delicious nap inspired by a marathon of Make Me a Supermodel, I didn't quite get to it until roundabout 4pm. Me and my little pruning shears ambitiously began to take care of whatever branches were small enough to succumb to it's vise-like-chomping-grip. Which left over 75% of the limb still on the ground, and me looking completely clueless and highly pathetic.

Pay attention, my Darlings, because this is where the magic happens. I was out there, trying not to lop off my fingertips, when I heard a voice say, "Hey, do you need some help?" Now, I was no longer certain that those words could be used together in a sentence, so naturally I was stunned, and looked around like an idiot. That's when I see my across-the-street-neighbor coming at me with a chain saw--neither he nor the machine was running, so I figured he meant no harm, and did not run away in a panic. In about 3 minutes, he had hacked up that tree limb into tidy 2 foot sections, ready to be stacked neatly at the curb for yard waste pick up. Really!

How nice it was to exchange small talk with someone whom I've lived across the street from for 3 years, and only today learned his name (Derek). He and his wife Maria (another new fact) and their baby Desmond (one more) are doing fine. He asked about the Chicas, and commented on how big they've gotten. We weren't invisible after all...hmm...that's a mind-bender. Now don't be getting any ideas about me making nice with the Banana or Slouchy Kyle and his Very Loud Parents. No way. They still have a loooong way to go before they can be considered even honorary members of Team Kelly. Being friendly with my neighbors may enable me to live long and prosper, but where's the fun in that? Yeah, I can only grow so much in one calendar year, and it's much more childishly entertaining to think of putting the Vulcan Death Grip to the Hobbitt, so I'm-a-gonna stick with that for now. Kelly-Girl Out.